February 2012
5 posts
Stop looking at my PC-ness!
I just heard a commercial for bathroom tissue…are you kidding me? Does my butt have to sneeze? What’s wrong with saying toilet paper? Back in the 20’s, we use to call ye olde shit rag, and men would carry it in their breast pocket with their handkerchief (getting them mixed up gave new meaning to brown nosing).
Point of this is what’s going on with us? Toilet paper is too...
Why flying cars wouldn't be that great
So I’ve been thinking about flying cars recently. Possibly because of the Back the the Future memes after the new year (2012: scientists you have 3 years). Or it could just be my love of sci-fi. Regardless, after putting in way too much thought, I’ve deduced (great word) that flying cars might not be all that (and a bag of chips. Thank you 5th grade!).
First, fuel. As of right now...
January 2012
2 posts
March 2011
2 posts
when i'm gone
to say we’ve never thought about ourselves dying is probably a lie. we’ve all had a moment where we wondered, perhaps out of outrage or pure curiosity, how life would be like without us. if you’ve read this far, then i should probably go ahead and tell you i’m not planning on killing myself or anything like that. just going along one of my crazy train of thoughts and seeing...
new song
you think you’re the first to be “oh so clever”
but you’re my last thought what so ever
with your big hipster glasses
ironic tees and batting eye lashes
wink and a smile and time to kill
think for a while, take a moment to chill
i got your heart in my hand
and your hand around my throat
your drew a line in the sand
and on that line i drew a note
i wrote a pretty...
January 2011
1 post
trolling danyel
Me: So I was trying to buy RED on DVD today.
Danyel: Trying?
Me: They said it was too awesome for me to own. That no man could ever "own" it and it needed to be free to run in the wild and one day...if we were lucky enough it would return of its own free will.
Danyel: What? They? Who is they?
Me: Target.
Danyel: They said that?
Me: Yeah, I took it to the counter and this old woman in red robes said it was too awesome and powerful and no mere mortal could tame it.
Danyel: So you seriously didn't buy it?
Me: So I set out on a quest to become immortal.
Danyel: Wow...
Me: I am a god!
Danyel: So who is the idiot now?
Me: You.
Danyel: No, you. So going on with the story I know you bought it.
Me: No, actually they were sold out.
September 2010
1 post
funny interaction at twisted taco
Liz (after her song and drink in hand): Alright let's chug them!
Sean: Hold on I have to say your outro.
Liz: No now (downs drink)
Sean: Give it up for Liz! Holy shit she just finished that shit in like 2 seconds!
Liz: Learn to swallow!
Sean: I don't know anything about that I'm more of a fast eater.
June 2010
5 posts
"Running Away" lyrics
(verse1): every word from my lips
is a dagger aimed for your heart
every “i love you” i let slip
was meant to rip you apart
there’s a voice inside
pulling the strings, i have no control
it’s only a matter of time
so i need to let you go
(chorus): this monster inside
just will not die
so we’re running away
i’m running away
i’m living a lie
i...
music by sterling barnes
lyrics and vocals by...
it's all about hand placement
Me: Dude! We should get food and a movie
Erryn: *looking at her computer*
Me: *adjusts fly and turns head smiling*
Erryn: *looks up confused*
Me: I should probably not have my hand on my crotch while smiling at you.
Erryn: Yeah a little creepy. It's all about hand placement
i'm gonna be a father!
…eventually :P lol
May 2010
2 posts
“Everybody loves a hero. Not so much when they fall short, so try to keep your...”
– Butch Walker
do you remember when we met?
liquor drinks and cigarettes
all the boys were taking bets
my credit card so in debt
bought drinks from you at the bar
poured them out behind my car
so i can come back to where you are
and order from you again…
and again…
i’ll be your open tab
you’ll be my favorite sin
April 2010
4 posts
not one to toot my own horn but uh...
toot toot
Brookwood Waitress: What would you like this evening?
Me: I'll have the Baby Back BBQ Ribs please.
Brookwood Waitress: Ok, I'll go put it in, be back in a bit.
*after I finished eating*
Brookwood Waitress: Here's a hot towel for you.
Me: For what?
Brookwood Waitress: Your hands.
Me: I evolved, I used a knife and fork.
Brookwood Waitress: What?
Me: I evolved, I used a knife and fork.
*points to plate*
Brookwood Waitress: Wow, I've never seen anyone get that much with a knife and fork.
Me: Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.
you don't say?
twitter is bitter
because
facebook over took
the space from my myspace
tumblr is a rumbler
xanga tried to be gansta
what the fuck is next?
might as well be hacking my texts
Stage Penis?
Me: Hey man, would you like to maybe host Spanish Karaoke?
Danyel: Nah.
Me; Why not?
Danyel: I don't have what you have.
Me: A penis?
Danyel: No. But you know, stage....?
Me: A Stage Penis?
February 2010
1 post
ventilation management
hey just a heads up shut the fuck up.
January 2010
5 posts
open your hearts...and your wallets
text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to the Haiti relief. simply joining a cause on FB doesn’t cut it, never has and never will. do something more than clicking “join cause”
show's over, lost the E-string...
funny how things, just kinda fall in place?
all of the kitty cats...
get out their catty kits, sit and talk shit about this bitch and that bitch. it makes me feel a little better about me. they just wanna be heard and act like they’re better than everyone else and not to feel lower…so laugh when they cry. jump when they’re down. smile when they frown.
we’re all going down.
we’re all going down.
we’re all going down…
December 2009
24 posts
i will find you...
because i got a fucking GPS for christmas :D
'tis the season
so we were really late with christmas (or as the hipsters call it X-Mas) this year. we put our tree up sunday, sent cards out monday, put gifts under the tree wednesday…oh well happy holidays!
love your bestest best friend EVER!
sean
‘oh darling’
beauty is skin deep...
…and i’d love to cut you to pieces…
when world's collide
tumblr is now connected to facebook and twitter, muahahaha but twitter and facebook are not….
hey you got your tumblr in my facebook! yeah well you got your facebook in my tumblr!
you know what they say:
every time a bell falls an angel gets its balls
you're pretty
the title has nothing to with this post, i just thought i’d say you’re pretty. i don’t really have anything to say. just kinda feel like typing…type type type. boobs…that is all
always watching...always waiting...
dexter finale tonight! i’m excited and sad at the same time. i’m excited because it’s dexter and sad because i have to wait for it come out on dvd and also wait for season 5 to start. oh well worth it!
in a shirt so nice and the pants so tight and i'm...
thanks everyone for the birthday wishes! i had a lot of fun and got drunk w00t! it was hilariously awkward to sing “nookie” with caleb and then immediately right after sing “how you remind me” with my mom. well i’m off to jc penny to exchange some jeans. wicked right?
limping with the bizkit man...limping with the...
Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
the best part of waking up…is going back to sleep :D
that was a hell of a party last night...
so i flashed everyone my man stick…thrice! i saw 5 pairs of tits, made out with a girl and got punched in the side of the head…and that was just the overview…wow
wanna see my penis?
Jason (Drunk): Hey you guys wanna see my penis?
Me: WHAT!?
Jason: It's massive!
Me: I'm good.
Me & Dain laughing hysterically
purely epic:
maybeitsjustme:
just wrote this...
the marvelous misadventures of me!
this weekend is looking particularly epic, beer pong tonight (i got some practice in last night), my birthday party saturday, and dexter finale on sunday. the only thing that would make this weekend better was some naked ladies…oh wait :D
a little diddy about a girl i knew
“to want and to try is the difference why some people will walk and some run”
– Butch Walker